Fact: I am a terrible gardener, thus I don’t enjoy gardening.

Fact: there are some species of flowering plants that are tough enough to resist my black thumb.

Our bougainvillea nearly froze this winter, and now it’s blooming more brilliantly than ever. We thought our azaleas had died, but they’re riotous with color right now. And the little camellia tree? It just hangs out in a wooden barrel and delivers perfect, swirling blossom after perfect, swirling blossom.For some time, these flowers lay somewhat dormant. They looked and felt less than vibrant. Businesses can feel the same way.

As you may have noticed from the blog, it’s been a pretty quiet winter around here photography-wise. That’s about to change rather suddenly in just a few days, but that’s a different story. This winter hasn’t been busy with photo shoots, but it’s been busy behind the scenes with quieter work and projects, and that’s been fine with me, too. It’s been fine with me now — but it wouldn’t have been fine with me at all a couple years ago.

When I was a kid, I remember days when we would leave the house early in the morning with back-to-back-to-back events scheduled that would keep us out and about until well into the evening. I remember my mother saying how much she disliked those days. And I remember thinking, “Well that’s silly. Days like this are exciting! When we don’t have a lot of things to do and a bunch of places to go, it’s boring.”

Similarly, I used to always feel that way about my photography business — but not only because it was my job and I wanted to work, but because I wanted anyone who stumbled across my blog or my Facebook page to see that I was busy! I was doing things and I was going places! I wanted people to think that I, and my business, were exciting!

Then . . . something changed. I’ve stopped assigning so much weight to what other people think of my business, and I’ve learned that I need quiet days — lots of them — in order to be able to think clearly, think creatively, and think effectively. I need them in order to work well, too.

So I’m grateful for the quiet times I’ve had this winter, even if it’s meant my blog has been pretty quiet, too. Even if it meant people didn’t think I was exciting.Fact: I placed so much of my self-worth in what other people thought of me that I was more concerned with living up to unseen strangers’ definitions of success than with actually building up a successful business and life.

Fact: just as some plants manage to survive improper care, people (and businesses) have to do the same.

I have given myself and this business plenty of improper care over the years — first and foremost by letting other photographers’ successes serve as an illusive benchmark for my own success. “They” had clients who came back to them year after year when I struggled to book many of the inquiries that hit my inbox? Ugh, I was a failure. “They” were consistently booking at a higher price point than I managed to even when their final product wasn’t better? Ugh, I was a failure. “They” had an online presence that boasted tens of thousands of followers? Ugh, I was a failure.

“So why even bother?” went one chorus of voices inside my head. “No, fight even harder to keep up with the other photographers!” responded another.

Of course . . . neither one was 100% right.

For me, it’s been an ongoing lesson and an ongoing struggle to align my goals for my business with my goals for other parts of my life. It’s been just as much of a struggle to move my desire to actually succeed past my desire to have people think I was succeeding. If you’re an artist or a small business owner — or a human at all — you can probably relate to that struggle!

Right now, I definitely don’t have all the answers. What I do have is the understanding that, 1) my business, just like my life, will never be a replica of someone else’s, and 2) I have to set my own goals based on my own desires and needs — and then dig in and work determinedly to succeed at them.

Fact.

~ Laura