This week, Danny and I have started making some serious moves to whip our financial future into Olympic-athlete-shape. Cutting spending. Changing some habits. Rearranging plans. Some of it is going to sting, but it’s going to be so worth it just a few years down the road. We’ll look back on these decisions and say, “You know, we’re really glad we spent and saved and invested our money wisely.”

So . . . I figured now was the perfect time to address spending and saving and investing wisely when it comes to weddings. I’ve never been happy with the way bridal magazines and a lot of wedding blogs recommend divvying up wedding expenses, with a one-size-fits-all percentage chart that leaves little room for personal preferences. What I do love is Ruffled‘s feature, The Wedding Pie, showing how different couples chose to break down their budgets. Because I think that’s a much more practical approach: Couples need to prioritize what is most important to them, then divide their budget accordingly, not allocate money they don’t want to spend just because some magazine tells them they “should” spend 10% of your total budget on flowers or 40% on catering.

It’s your money. Spend it the way you want to. Take it or leave it — these are just my suggestions, as a not-so-long-ago bride and a current wedding industry professional who gets to see the ups and downs and ins and outs of the way couples spend, save, and invest in their weddings.When you’re getting ready to start spending money on your wedding — stop. Do these things before you spend a dime. I learned the hard way that not having a plan in place first means you end up spending a little bit more here, and yes, a little bit less there, than you really should.

First: Sit down with your fiance/fiancee, parents, and any other relatives who may be involved in paying for your wedding. Figure out how much, total, you have at your disposal and make sure everyone is on the same page.

Second: You and your fiance/fiancee should make a list of what is most important to you at your wedding — and it doesn’t have to be “great photography” or “open bar” or “couture gown.” It can be things such as “Guests have a lot of fun together,” or “The day feels like a real life fairy tale.” Then figure out how you will accomplish those things, and what you need from different wedding professionals to make that happen. Of course, you’re going to need to keep your overall budget in mind — if you want your reception to look like a rain forest dripping with exotic orchids but you’re on a budget of $10,000, it’s simply not going to happen; you’ll have to get creative with your dreaming and scheming. But come up with an overall vision and list of most important things for your wedding before you start actually shopping around.

Third: Once you have your ideas and must-haves written down, it’s time to start getting a feel for what the wedding professionals charge in your area — and start getting an idea of what quality of wedding professionals you’ll be happy to work with. This is important. Every bride knows that a wedding gown from a discount dress warehouse isn’t going to match the quality of Monique Lhuillier. Boutique wedding professionals are the same way. A cake artist who charges five times the local grocery store bakery charges more because she offers a boutique, customized product, and a photographer who charges $1,000 for a full day’s shoot and hands over a disc probably isn’t going to be giving you the same quality of artistry or service as a photographer who charges $4,000. So don’t pounce on “deals.” Compare not only the vendors’ prices, but the vendors’ services and the vendors themselves.

Fourth: This is when I think it’s finally the right time to begin breaking down your wedding budget. Once you’ve seen what services and venues and products are out there, you will have a better understanding of where you want your money to go. Start with the items that are most important to you and work your way down — because if the limo really isn’t important to you anyway, you don’t want to allocate money to it, only to wish you’d put that money toward a higher-end videographer instead.

Fifth: Make sure everyone is still on the same page. When it comes to spending money, especially for a wedding, emotions run high! Talk through each expense with your fiance/fiance, and make sure anyone else contributing to your wedding is on board with the way you’re spending their contribution. Because, in the long run, it will be much better for your relationship for you to simply forego a relative’s contribution to your wedding if they’re going to insist you spend it in a way that doesn’t align with your budget breakdown, or if you want to spend it for something they think is frivolous. Explain your reasons for breaking your budget down the way you are, and let the other people speak their minds as well (if and only if they are helping pay for the wedding; people who aren’t contributing really shouldn’t even be party to your wedding budget discussions — having only the necessary people involved will save you a lot of grief). But keep your budget on track, even if it means turning away a relative’s offer to help cover expenses; if their vision for the money doesn’t fit yours, there won’t be any way to make everyone happy.

Sixth: Begin booking the vendors that are most important to you. Work your way through bookings in order of importance so you make sure you have enough money left for your top priorities. That said, locking down a venue usually needs to be step # 1. (As a photographer, I personally won’t book a couple if they haven’t already signed a venue, because until a venue is set in stone, the wedding date is subject to change, and I need my calendar firmly set so I don’t end up double booked!)

Seventh: Be ready to adjust your wedding budget if one of your top priorities is going to cost more than than you’d originally allotted. It’s okay! Really, you will be able to find another slice of the budget pie to shave that money off of. But if you’ve found the perfect venue you’ve always dreamed of and their rental fee goes up from one year to the next, don’t throw your hands up in the air because your budget says you can’t have it anymore. Reassess your budget, see what you can trim, and try to make it work.

Eighth: Don’t forget about tax, tips (for wedding professionals who don’t own their own business — such as the hair stylist at the salon or the freelance musicians), and and other fees that will add up big time. Remember to factor them in to your budget so you don’t spend several thousand dollars more than anticipated. But please, please don’t push wedding professionals for discounts or pressure them for a deal. There’s nothing wrong with asking if a vendor is running a special or if there is any way they could customize a package by using less fancy china or shaving off an hour or two. But if the answer is no, please understand that the answer is no for a reason: Your wedding is a special once-in-a-lifetime event for you, but it’s how we pay our bills week in and week out, and if we gave discounts to every bride who asked for them, our businesses would be losing money. If a vendor is out of your budget, simply find one who is not.

Ninth: DIY when it comes to the parts of your wedding that aren’t your top priorities. Make your own favors, table runners or centerpieces. Create your own decorations for the ceremony. But be careful when it comes to using friends to fill the roles of professionals. I did it — before my business was official, I shot friends’ weddings because I was serious about becoming a professional photographer, and they were serious that they didn’t have room in their budget to hire a pro. But bad things can happen if you trust a hobbyist to do a professional’s job: Relationships go down the drain if something goes wrong, and, well, if something goes wrong at your wedding, you don’t get a do-over. So if you have a friend who has created wedding cakes as a hobby or a cousin who has moonlighted as a DJ, by all means, you’re allowed to tap them for your wedding. Just be careful. Anyone who doesn’t have a licensed business won’t have insurance (which will automatically bar them from many top wedding venues), won’t have backup equipment in case of accident, and won’t have the experience to ensure your wedding goes off without a hitch. I definitely recommend hiring a professional above utilizing a friend — unless your friend is a professional.

Tenth: Well . . . I don’t think I have a tenth, to be honest. Just try to stick to your budget and enjoy your wedding without feeling guilty about overspending!

That’s all I’ve got for today, but I hope it helps even one bride break free of following one-size-fits-all wedding budgets! If there’s anything you think is missing or anything you think needs to be explained more in depth, let me know! I’d love to have to update this post due to feedback! So don’t be shy — and don’t try to squeeze yourself into someone else’s wedding budget. You wouldn’t buy an off-the-rack wedding gown and not have it altered, would you? Why should your wedding budget be any different?!

~ Laura