This afternoon, I wanted to tackle the not-always-so-simple topic of what you should do first when you get engaged. Yes, I wanted to plan my entire wedding in those first few days and already be on my honeymoon by the time the weekend rolled around, so I know how it goes: You’re anxious to get things going. But making sure you do things in a smart order should be at the very top of your list! So, from personal experience, from watching my friends do it all, and from helping other couples prepare for their wedding day, here’s my First 5 Things to Do When You Get Engaged.

1.) Tell the people who should know first.
Obvious? Maybe. But in this era of insta-Instagram photos and Facebook statuses, it might be easy to overlook personally telling close friends or family members before trumpeting your happiness to the world at large. As someone who found out about some dear friends’ engagements and other serious life events the Facebook way (sad!), I would strongly, strongly recommend waiting to click “post” until you’ve gotten hold of your nearest and dearest on the phone. Trust me — it’s really worth waiting on the engagement ring picture to make sure your engagement starts off with all your friends and family members personally informed of the exciting news.

2.) Go over the game plan with your fiance/fiancee.
Again, this might seem obvious — but if you and your intended have only talked about your wedding day in passing or in hypothetical terms, now is the time to make sure you’re on the same page in terms of what you want and don’t want for the day you officially begin your life together. This isn’t the time to involve parents or prospective bridal party members. This is just about the two of you deciding together what you want for your wedding day, without any pressure or advice from anyone else. That doesn’t mean you have to hash out all the details right away. It does mean to make sure you agree on the scale of the party you want, the overall mood and level of formality you want to create, time of year, geographical location, and rough estimate of the number of guests you’d like to invite. Danny and I did this, and it was a huge help; if, on the flip side, you start planning your wedding before hashing out these details together, you’ll find you have a lot more trouble making decisions as you head deeper into the planning process, because you won’t be working with the exact same goals in mind. Get on the same page so you both know what the other wants and can talk through any disagreements before you’re in a meeting with a caterer or ordering invitations.

3.) Decide who is paying for what and how much money you can spend.
I’m a big advocate for not setting a hard and fast budget until you know what different elements of your wedding are going to cost, but I’m also a big fan of at least having a solid idea of the total amount you’re willing to spend on your wedding — and where that money is going to come from. Weigh the pros and cons of accepting financial help from family. Keep in mind that, most times, when people offer money for your wedding, they expect to have some say in how it is spent. That said, my parents paid for the majority of my wedding, and it was a wonderful experience. Well, I’m not sure if their bank account thought it was a wonderful experience, but you know what I’m saying! Just be wise how and when and from whom you accept financial assistance, and be equally wise in choosing how much to spend.

4.) Think long and hard about your guest list before you start promising people invitations.
Since your wedding is probably the fanciest and most expensive — and most important — party you’ll ever throw, your first inclination might be to tell just about everyone they’re invited. But your venue will have a maximum capacity, your budget will mostly likely have a cap, and your enthusiasm to talk to all your guests on your wedding day will definitely plummet if you invite more than the people you truly want to share in the celebration. So my advice isn’t to try to complete your guest list within a few days of getting engaged — it’s simply to not promise people they’re invited until you do have a completed guest list. And if anyone asks, just tell your curious friends and acquaintances that you’re incredibly excited, appreciate their well wishes, and have been too busy enjoying being engaged to finalize those kinds of details yet.

5.) Do some window shopping before making any big purchases.
Maybe this sounds counter-intuitive since I’m a wedding photographer and my job necessitates people actually hiring me. But I firmly believe that there is a right wedding professional and a wrong wedding professional, and venue, for every couple. What I suggest is spending some time perusing wedding blogs and magazines to get a feel for your own wedding style — because, even if you’ve had your dream wedding planned in your head for years, there’s a good chance you’ll realize there are possibilities out there that you love and hadn’t ever known existed, and it’s much better to realize that before you’ve committed your money to something else.

Happy planning!

~ Laura