Danny and I sat down to start working on our guest list shortly after we got engaged. Then we became overwhelmed and put it off as long as we possibly could.

Let’s face it: When it comes to the most fun wedding planning activities, drafting, then slashing, a guest list doesn’t rank at the top. It’s tedious, it can be frustrating, and it can bring out the worst in you, your beloved, and your families — because what you’re arguing about deciding together is who is important “enough” to be there for the most important day of your life. As far as I see it, there are three ways you can approach it:

1.) Invite no one, or almost no one, so no one feels singled out to be left out.
2.) Invite everyone so no one feels left out.
3.) Attempt to find a happy middle ground.

Danny and I went with that middle ground. One of our couples this year took the first option and eloped. Another of our couples, who are getting married next month, took the second option, and they’re preparing for a potential 1,000 (yes, you read that right — one thousand) guests at their wedding celebration. There’s no right or wrong, only finding what is going to work for your personalities and your budget.Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself as you’re deliberating whether or not certain friends and acquaintances should make the cut.

• How important has this person been in my life?
• Does this person have any relationship with my fiance/fiancee, or only me?
• Will my relationship with this person likely continue developing in the future, or has our friendship pretty much run its course?
• Will this person make the wedding a more enjoyable experience for the other guests s/he interacts with?
•  Do I interact with this person on a regular basis? Do I like those interactions? (PS: Interactions limited to Facebook and Instagram don’t count!)

If Danny and I had actually applied those questions to our guest list, our wedding would have been considerably smaller. The smaller the guest list, the less money you spend on food, drinks, invitations, favors, programs, and decor — and you can either pocket that money, or apply it to other areas of your wedding, or to having a more elaborate menu or drink selection.

You’ll also want to decide on an across-the-board policy regarding wedding guests bringing dates before you finalize your invitation list, because whatever your policy is will have a significant impact on your number of guests. Do you want to have every guest bring a date, or only guests who are in committed relationships? That was the route Danny and I chose, because the only single guests we invited to our wedding already knew many of the other guests and we knew they wouldn’t feel alone, but if you’re inviting a lot of singles who don’t know each other, you might want to give them the comfort of knowing they’ll at least have someone to sit with.

Most of all, you’ll want to make sure you, your fiance/fiancee and your families are on the same page. If your venue only holds 50 guests, you won’t be able to invite all your sorority sisters; if you allot a certain number of invitations for your parents to send to their friends and family, you’ll want to make sure your fiance/fiancee’s family gets roughly the same number. Remember, you’re starting a new family with your marriage, not just hosting a grand party, so figure out your priorities at the very beginning, and don’t add anyone to or strike anyone from the guest list lightly.

Those are some of the things I wish I had known when I was working on my guests list. Anything you think should be added? Leave a comment!

~ Laura