Except for those few lucky brides whose budgets allow them to invite every living person they’ve ever known and their + 1, I think we’ve all been in that sticky situation: Cornered by an acquaintance who’s demanding to know when they should be on the lookout for their wedding invitation . . . which you know won’t be forthcoming.

I wasn’t exactly in a corner — I think I was standing in the grocery store the first time it happened to me. I still felt cornered, and it was definitely awkward. And, for the life of me, I cannot even remember the person’s name!

As exciting as preparing for your wedding is, there are always uncomfortable moments you’ve got to somehow slip out of,  tense moments you need to diffuse, or situations that just make you want to sit down and have a good cry. Whether it’s a relative determined to see your wedding turn out different from your own vision or a “friend” who snidely criticizes every plan you make, you always end up realizing that not everyone shares your joy . . . or your ideas of what your wedding should be like. My own wedding planning process was pretty straightforward. Both Danny and I had families that were wonderfully supportive of whatever we wanted to do. Our friends were more than generous with their time and advice. So our moments of awkwardness or discomfort were pretty few and far between — but I know that isn’t the case for everyone. And if I had to estimate the percentage of brides who’ve told me, “I wish we could just elope!” at some point during the planning process, I’d probably put the number a little above 50%.

Wedding planning can be hard. It can be a stressful time, even as people are reminding you to have fun and savor that special season of your life. But I’m pretty convinced that how a bride (and groom) handle the stress will almost always come down to their attitude. So I rounded up some words of wisdom from some past brides, all photographer friends of mine from around the country, who have also been there, done that. When you find yourself dealing with someone who seems determined to make your wedding planning as stressful as possible — or all about them — think back to what these brides had to say from their own experiences:

“Remember the reason you are getting married. And don’t get bogged down by all the “advice” you are given. Focus on your relationship instead.” – Kristin, married in Illinois in 2009.

“As you plan your wedding remember to keep your focus on your upcoming marriage. Keeping everyone happy is impossible. Shift your focus back to your marriage and realize that when you’re celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary, what bridesmaid dress your sister wore and whether or not she liked it won’t matter at all. What will matter is the marriage and the family and memories you build with your husband.” – Catherine, married in Texas in 2009.

“Listen to their heart behind the words. Often the ‘words’ aren’t really what they’re saying. Ultimately you are the bride, but that being said… sometimes others do have a better (more objective, non-bride-brain) point of view which should be considered.” – Stacee, married in Oregon in 1995.

“As much as you want to make family — especially parents — feel involved or like your decisions, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding. If disagreements come up or they are not seeing your vision, or perhaps trying to push their own vision onto you, weigh the options. Stand up for yourself on the big, important issues. Tiny details can go a long way towards appeasing an over-involved parent. Is alternating cloth napkins or inviting your dad’s work buddy really worth a giant fight? No. But if it is a truly key element, such as wardrobe, florals, and key vendors, politely stand your ground and offer smaller compromises.” – Lauren, married in Michigan in 2005.

“We had a best of both worlds solution by having a two day wedding – day one, the ceremony, was only 20 people. We had our families and our closest friends and enjoyed an intimate setting that made the whole ceremony feel so sacred and emotional, followed by long and relaxing gourmet dinner. We spent a lot of time drinking it in and connecting instead of shaking hands and saying thank yous, and that day we did EVERYTHING our way. The second day we had a larger traditional reception, showing off some of the photos on a projection screen of the ceremony the day before, and THAT day we included all the people and traditions that were more about others.” – Stephanie, married in California in 2009.

Keep in mind that no wedding ever gets planned 100% stress-free. But if you really keep your focus on why you’re getting married and understand why certain aspects of your wedding are important to you or not worth worrying about, it will go a long way to helping you keep your cool whenever you get tested!

~ Laura