I think we can all agree that reality TV has, if not introduced, at least perpetuated a lot of negative stereotypes and coaxed society into believing that bad behavior is not only totally normal, but oftentimes inevitable and occasionally even acceptable. When it comes to reality TV, I almost never watch. Particularly when it comes to certain-shows-that-shall-not-be-named, shows that give us a closeup look at otherwise normal women who transform — whether by some flaw of their own character or the magic of selective film editing — into demanding, belittling divas as they prepare for their wedding day.

The reason I don’t watch isn’t because it strikes painfully close to home. It’s because it doesn’t. Of all the brides I’ve ever worked with, none have come anywhere close to deserving that easily thrown-around label of bridezilla. Universally, they’ve been kind, considerate, and pretty easy-going. To the point that they can poke fun at themselves, as one bride emailed me earlier this year, saying, “Oh, I almost had a bridezilla moment the other day!” Wink-wink.My message today isn’t to remind brides to be nice, to be thoughtful of other people’s feelings, to not get absorbed in yourselves because the wedding day isn’t really “all about you.” No, I’, not saying that — because in almost every case, I think that is something that doesn’t need to be said; most brides just do those things naturally, because they’re nice, thoughtful people who don’t just think about themselves. My message to brides today is very different:

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re being a bridezilla. If anyone uses that word, it’s a conversation-ender in my book. If someone near and dear to you truly has concerns about the way you’re handling any part of your wedding planning process, they should be able to articulate that clearly without resorting to cheap nicknames and stereotypes culled from cable TV. And if someone comes to you with real concerns, I trust you’ll all listen thoughtfully. Because you’re generally thoughtful people. And you won’t start referring to other people as Momzillas or Monsters-in-Law or Guestzillas. You’ll address any issues head on, like an adult. Not in a way that would make a great five second soundbite in a promotional spot for the next episode.

I wish that no brides behaved badly. A few do. Which in turn makes people believe more brides will behave like self-absorbed princesses. Prove them wrong. Be yourself, enjoy your engagement and wedding planning process — and don’t let anyone make you believe for one minute that having specific ideas of the way you want your wedding to unfold gives them a right to slap an unkind label on you.

~ Laura